Sources of Comfort
Exercise: Last week I invited you to make a list of painful moments from which you could use comfort. If you haven’t made this list, I invite you to do so now. Set aside fifteen minutes, allowing whatever comes to mind to be expressed. Having completed the list, take 5 long breaths. From that place of calm, add to your list a different question: from what do you derive comfort? Set aside fifteen minutes or so and write what comes to mind.
Background: We most often use the word comfort in reference to the loss of a loved one. Loss creates a wrenching experience. In such moments, we understand that community is a key part of healing. Precisely because the person has lost a key relationship, we, as that person’s community, want to remind them they are held and loved. The loss can never be fully healed or fixed, but our love and ongoing support can remind the person that there is also joy in the world.
Comfort includes reminding someone that they are not alone. Like Job’s companions who wait for Job to speak, we make no effort to tell the person how to feel about the experience. Comfort is different from healing or erasing. Comfort is an “and” exercise that reminds someone that there is still love in the world. Comforting means to help someone feel supported, seen and heard.
Solving a problem is an entirely different process. Sometimes people invite our help to resolve an issue with which they are faced. We can tell when someone wants solutions because they will ask for input, ideas, or advice. Often we assume people want our help to solve, when in fact they are looking for comfort. Comforting and problem solving are different modes. When in doubt, there is every reason to ask someone what they want.
Comfort can also come from being in nature. There is research that being in a forest, for example, lowers stress and engenders a feeling of connection and joy. I am confident this is true more broadly of appreciating natural beauty. Music can be another source of comfort and connection. I urge you to be reflective – what and who brings you comfort?
So far, we are bringing together the tools we need to name and accept our hurts and broken places. We are then reminding ourselves that we already have a wonderful set of tools that help us find comfort. From here, let us explore other ways in which we can find comfort.
Until next week-
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi David Booth
