Forgiveness
Exercise #1, General: Imagine that you are encountering a power so filled with love, waiting only to be asked for forgiveness. Own your imperfections; face openly your failings and the ways you have hurt others and yourself.
Say: Forgive me, God, for I have sinned. Forgive me, not because I deserve it, but because I am ready, ready to stand before You and to start over. I am willing to risk a new beginning, knowing you are filled with mercy and kindness.
(As always, in saying God, you can imagine an entity who loves and forgives. Or, you can call to mind a power in the Universe that connects us and sustains us. Or, it can simply be an address to somewhere deep in the self, what the Hasid’s call the life point, where our hidden wholeness dwells.)
Exercise #2:, Specific: (For this exercise, you want to have something in mind. Something in yourself that you know is wrong and that you want help in changing.) Say: Forgive me, God, for I have sinned. And here is what I have done [say out loud that which you are hoping for change] I know that change is hard and I have failed many times. I need You, something bigger than myself, to make this change. But I know that you are waiting and I pray for Your help, for You forgive.
Background: The Rabbis distinguish between teshuvah, repentance, and kapparah, God’s cleansing forgiveness. In the previous blessing, we grappled with Teshuvah and thanked God for our capacity to change and grow. In this blessing we are encountering our limits. Further, we are encountering something mysterious, something beyond the self, that can transform us simply because we are open to change.
In the recovery world, the first and second of the twelve steps are an acknowledgement that we are powerless in the face of our addiction and that we need a higher power to change. There is humility inherent in this. Our ability to change and grow requires something from beyond the usual sense of the self.
That power is wondrous and filled with grace. It can be surprising, encountering us when we may least expect it. It can also be evasive. The gift of grace comes when it comes. I know it seems odd to use the word grace in a Jewish context. Yet we also use that term, meaning: a gift that comes to us, not because we deserve it, but because we have encountered God’s love.
That phrase, God’s love, can mean different things to people. For some, it means that an entity called God offers us boundless love. For others, it means there is a force or energy in the Universe that is the origin of consciousness. That force can be experienced in direct ways, and it can allow us to grow beyond what we ever thought was possible. And for yet others, it is a convenient way to talk about the untapped power that lies hidden in human consciousness.
May we all find the forgiveness we seek, and may we find through the Divine the grace that allows us to start anew.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi David Booth
